No Longer Anonymous

I have decided to no longer be an 'anonymous blogger' . Why? Well for two reasons. This is a free country, with freedom of speech, so why not say what I want. And two, I have told people about my blog, and linked it to my Twitter....So yeah... Oh and since my last post was a c/p of something from a while ago...I am no longer debating between writer/actor/lawyer. I am going back to what I wanted to straight out of high school in 2008, Journalism! Wow...that was three years ago...time does fly does it not? I almost feel old....

Taken from my deviantART Account, A Self-Reflection

This was something I wrote a few months ago. I was asked what type of person I would describe myself as.  So, here it is, my self reflection.

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If I asked myself what I'd honestly want to do with my life, ignoring financial influences, and not caring about what others have decided for me. I would honestly travel the world, and write about what I've seen. Or simply just write. I'd journey, and never stay in one place too long. But essentially, I would be doing what I've already been doing all of my life. And that's running away. Never facing the consequences, never stopping long to think through what I find wrong in life, my mistakes, my concerns, my fears, and my desires. And that's no way to live at all.

If I thought again, I'd take myself to the stage. A different person portrayed, each scene a new discovery. World renown and a household name. But even then, I'd still be doing what I have been doing all along. Wearing a mask, so that no one ever sees what I am truly feeling. Seeking attention, and acceptance, when I feel alone and ignored. And that isn't a way to live either.

I'd love to write, I'd love to act. Sing, or dance. Or maybe find a way to help all those I have come across, those who are just as lost as me. Reaching out for help. Waiting for an answer.

 I can defend my beliefs, my friends, my family, my faith. I can stand up for same-sex marriage, and the rights of the unborn. Defend animals that cannot speak for themselves, and protect an environment from neglect and abuse. I would have my friends back in a second, and support my family through thick and thin. I'll be a shoulder to cry on, without ever expecting a thing in return. Yet, I haven't got to the point where I can embrace my life, and be all I want to be. People define me based on pre-conceived stereotypes, and general descriptions. They see a surface, yet refuse to go deeper. That’s the problem with society today, we judge only on what our eyes can see, and never stopping long enough to get to know the person behind our biased views. I too am guilty of this, yet a victim all the same. For instance the following:

I'm not an object like they treated me.
I'm not pathetic because I cry.
I'm not wrong because I disagree with you.
I'm not afraid when I walk away from a fight.
I'm not naive because I choose to forgive.
I'm not empty because I choose to keep things to myself.
I'm not broken because you hurt me.
I'm not faithless because I question.
I'm not dumb because I remain silent in class.
I'm not lazy because I choose to stay in.
Nor am I anti-social for wanting time to myself.
I may be a dreamer, but I stay grounded in reality.
I stand by my beliefs, but that doesn’t mean I’m not humble.
And I have come to realize that I won't sink, if I stop to think.
And if friends walk away, then they weren't friends to begin with.
Family will support me, no matter what I choose.
And really although I like to spend, money isn't that important to me.

I am a writer, an actor, and a friend. I'm sister, a cousin, a daughter, and a niece. I'm a grand-daughter and great grand-daughter too. I'm a stranger who wants to help, to change a world that needs saving. I'm animal lover, health fanatic, and a germaphobe. I also enjoy the News. I'm eccentric, Catholic, conservative too. And I think we need to start helping others in the world, instead of just feeding our own greed. I’m a Leafs fan, but I love the Penguins too. I play golf, badminton, volleyball, and skate. I've attempted hockey, but I'm really not that great. I love music and dance, as well as; Theatre, and the arts. I help when I can; I study when I want too. I know how to have good time, and I'm tired of feeling bad because I do.

I may be stubborn, and opinionated. And I always need the last word in an argument. I fear a few things, a bit too many to list. But, I can be brave when it counts. I hate being in hospitals, and I'm not too fond of being alone. I love and I hurt, just like everyone else. And at times life is a bit too much, and it becomes difficult to manage, but I will never let that stop me. I'll be the first to admit, that I can hold a grudge. But once an apology is heard I forgive, and sometimes I don't even need one, because I'm not hateful by nature. I can be difficult to deal with, but really who isn't at one point or another?  I can also be a b*tch, but aren't we all some days? We all have flaws, and instead of beating ourselves up for it..we should just accept that we are only human.

  I've made my mistakes, and I've learned from them too. Everything happens for a reason, and I honestly believe that there are some things we can only learn once we have reached rock bottom.

I've survived one of my worst fears, and overcame a discomfort. I donate blood every two months, and I'm really not a meat person. Oh, and I definitely support our troops I want to celebrate my birthday for the first time in years. I want to lose weight, not to fit an image, but to be healthy and avoid the heart disease that has plagued some of my relatives.  I want a new wardrobe, and queen sized bed. I'm not ashamed that this seems selfish; it’s only natural to have wants.

I want to take a leap of faith, make a jump, and take a risk. I want to live life to the fullest, be the me I've always wanted to be.

 I want to tell others to treat me better, tell my dreams to those who disapprove. I want to show the world my potential. Show everyone that a quiet, small town girl can do great things too.

Some may reject this; tell me I'm being selfish, even impure. They'll tell me that I'm wrong, and some may even walk away. But you know what, who cares. If they did care, they'd stick around. I'm free to make my own decisions, my own mistakes, and my own path.

This is simply me in a nutshell, summarized for an online account. I'm finally going to show the world who I truly am. Without doubt, without fear, and with all that I've got. God granted me this life, my gifts, and my freedom. It's time I appreciate the gift given to me long ago.

No more hiding behind a mask, taking each hit in silence. No more running away from the truth.

I could be actor, not to hide, but because I love to act. I could be writer, not run, but because my mind is full of ideas. I could be a lawyer, not because that's what I'm told to do, but because I want to fight for justice.

Whatever I end up doing in life, I'll do it all for me. I know how to control myself, but it’s about time I stop living in fear. I am me, the only me that I can be. And frankly it’s about time I live my life for myself, and be the person I have the potential to become.