Hello! Long time no talk, my fault sorry, so lets skip an eight month summary and focus on the things a bit more present.
I just uploaded all of my old deviantART poems...not a lot of commenting going on there, and I am kinda not really as in to that site as I used to be...kinda like what happened with Quizilla and MySpace..new things simply come a long and take their place. Its kinda sad when you think about it, how much time you put into something that is no longer a part of your world.
Anyway, a brief update. I am one of the many university students who face graduation in the near future (less than two years to be specific) and I am completely lost on what exactly I am supposed to do after I accept my degree. Ideally pay of the mountain of student debt that awaits me, but how can I do that when I have yet to figure out a career. I have asked family and friends about it, they claim that its normal...but I find this dilemma too unsettling to let it go on for too long unanswered...I thought I could be a journalist..but I have a bit of social anxiety, speaking in front of large audiences are people I don't know terrifies me. I ran out of one of my classes last week as I had to present earlier than expected, and had yet to begin my 'calm down and breathe, you need to get through this somehow without passing out' exercises. My info was sound at least..somehow got an A..yay?
So here I am again, lost in transition between student life and career life. I phrase it as such, because calling something post school the 'real world' is illogical. What part of being a student no matter what grade isn't the real world or real life. We have impossible deadlines to meet, agonizing exams that prevent proper eating, make it impossible to sleep soundly for more than a few hours, and send you into a caffiene overdose so high that you won't come down from it for weeks after exam prep periods. Probably why there are usually holidays following exams. Oh, and not to mention the brain drain and state of mental exhaustion come your final exam. I love reading and writing, but trying to memorize numerous facts and theories in a short time...probably isn't healthy.
School stuff aside, if anyone is like me they are too busy to get even a proper part time job and struggle financially throughout school. Starving Student anyone? If it wasn't for my boyfriend and family for a support system, I wouldn't be able to handle all of the exams, money pains, and dramatic incidents that come with dealing with the public everyday - first group assignment this year, lets just say I am not a fan- let alone trying to stay sane from all of my personal quelms these days. What part of all of that isn't real life, or dealing with the real world?
But enough complaining, Christmas is coming, I for one am excited. Took a while to sort out the details, but it was all worth it. I just need to get through the next two weeks of exam anxiety and then simply relax and enjoy my wonderful twenty-four days off.
I'm going to cut it a bit short today...limited sleep last night for some reason, leaves me a tad on the moody rant side and you've had to deal with that enough today. I promise to at least try to discuss something a bit more important to the world come my next update.
Until then, have a good day. And if you're in exams like me, work hard, don't sell yourself short, and most importantly don't forget to breathe. So remember your health, both physical and mental, exams are tough, but you control how they affect you in the end. Good Luck
~ Jasmine
Monday, December 5, 2011
A Dreaming Obsession
She spent her days dreaming
Fantasizing of a better world
She lost herself to those moments
Where her mind could at last be free
She felt no fear, and felt only love
She was a hero across the world
Strong, and powerful, and widely adored
She was everything she wanted to be
But the dreams took their toll
And she began to slip away
Reality became something not worth living
And she dreamt herself away
Years passed by, and her heart no longer in it
Reality finally woke her up
She was left alone, and scared
Lost in a world she could no longer control
Decisions were tough, her friends now distant
She had missed out on the growth she needed
She never went through the changes of age
She was a child trapped in an adult world
A career seemed hopeless
She had never thought about it
She had lived so long in her own world
The real world was something she could not handle
Her friends became impatient, as her parents only worried
Her grades were slipping, and love she could not find
She was used to dream men, who loved and always cared
Her naivety broke her further, when no was ignored
School was something she hastily pushed aside
Her future had always been that of which she dreamed
In this new, uncontrollable world, she lost her way
And with no one else to save her, her nightmares became real
Stuck in transition, afraid to move forward
She could no longer dream herself away
Life was cold, and she found herself in despair
Her avoidant life, had consequences she could no longer bare
Her insecurities knocked her down
And there was no one left to help her up
She wished she had lived life
She wished she had never let her dreams consume her
This is the story of a girl, who could not deal with life
The trials and the pains sent her deep within her dreams
Reality will always find you, and when it does it may be too late
For a person who lives in dreams, only freezes in time
The problems do not go away, they only sit and wait
The worries and the pain can only be resolved if faced
Fear and uncertainty may be pushed aside
But eventually they'll come again, worse if they are not dealt with
Life cannot be dreamt away
Nor can we grow inside our dreams
So live life to the fullest, reality finds us anyway
A life spent in dreams, will slowly erode the soul
Dreams are meant for moderation
To live in them is an unhealthy obsession
One cannot grow in the world of our mind's eye
And you'll awaken to a world you no longer recognize
And when reality finally comes knocking,
You'll find the world has changed
And if you have spent too long in your dreams
You will only be displaced, unequipped to deal with life
Fantasizing of a better world
She lost herself to those moments
Where her mind could at last be free
She felt no fear, and felt only love
She was a hero across the world
Strong, and powerful, and widely adored
She was everything she wanted to be
But the dreams took their toll
And she began to slip away
Reality became something not worth living
And she dreamt herself away
Years passed by, and her heart no longer in it
Reality finally woke her up
She was left alone, and scared
Lost in a world she could no longer control
Decisions were tough, her friends now distant
She had missed out on the growth she needed
She never went through the changes of age
She was a child trapped in an adult world
A career seemed hopeless
She had never thought about it
She had lived so long in her own world
The real world was something she could not handle
Her friends became impatient, as her parents only worried
Her grades were slipping, and love she could not find
She was used to dream men, who loved and always cared
Her naivety broke her further, when no was ignored
School was something she hastily pushed aside
Her future had always been that of which she dreamed
In this new, uncontrollable world, she lost her way
And with no one else to save her, her nightmares became real
Stuck in transition, afraid to move forward
She could no longer dream herself away
Life was cold, and she found herself in despair
Her avoidant life, had consequences she could no longer bare
Her insecurities knocked her down
And there was no one left to help her up
She wished she had lived life
She wished she had never let her dreams consume her
This is the story of a girl, who could not deal with life
The trials and the pains sent her deep within her dreams
Reality will always find you, and when it does it may be too late
For a person who lives in dreams, only freezes in time
The problems do not go away, they only sit and wait
The worries and the pain can only be resolved if faced
Fear and uncertainty may be pushed aside
But eventually they'll come again, worse if they are not dealt with
Life cannot be dreamt away
Nor can we grow inside our dreams
So live life to the fullest, reality finds us anyway
A life spent in dreams, will slowly erode the soul
Dreams are meant for moderation
To live in them is an unhealthy obsession
One cannot grow in the world of our mind's eye
And you'll awaken to a world you no longer recognize
And when reality finally comes knocking,
You'll find the world has changed
And if you have spent too long in your dreams
You will only be displaced, unequipped to deal with life
Forget You Not
While I sat idly by in history class one day
I opted to pay attention
For the story of those who bravely fought
To the story of those we lost
For it not for them, I may not live
Not a breathe that I could take
For they had fought for our freedom
So that we could live in peace
It saddens me to think, how the memories are passed
So many choose to forget
The significance of their lost
But I for one shall always remember,
The sacrifice they made
For it not for those who bravely stood
True freedom would be but a word
I opted to pay attention
For the story of those who bravely fought
To the story of those we lost
For it not for them, I may not live
Not a breathe that I could take
For they had fought for our freedom
So that we could live in peace
It saddens me to think, how the memories are passed
So many choose to forget
The significance of their lost
But I for one shall always remember,
The sacrifice they made
For it not for those who bravely stood
True freedom would be but a word
Society Today
Complain and despair
You make ten dollars an hour
Toss away your new clothes
Because it isn't in style
Throw out your meal
You didn't really want it
Say you life is hell
You can't go to that concert
How oblivious you are
To what suffering actually is
Hungry and dehydrated
With only a dollar a day
We work them to the bone
So we can wear cheaper clothes
Sick and dying of disease
As there is nothing to help them live
Suffering each day in vain
They slowly disappear
Their lives are meaningless
We ignore their deaths
We say we give too much
We say we need it more
As we sit in front of our flat screens
Eating more and more
Our contributions are meaningless
They never really help
All we do is give little
Expecting much more in return
It would be insane to give a thing
Without receiving anything for our 'efforts'
We sit comfortably at home
Wishing our houses were much bigger
Yet many have no shelter
No protection from the storms
We destroy their countries
For the sake of our own
We wish we could ignore them
We hate those sad commercials
The ones that remind us
That our lives could be so much worse
Each day someone dies
And a child is left alone
For reasons that could be prevented
For causes that should not exist
We live our lives in ignorance
And pretend that we don't see
The true horrors that exist around us
The lives we destroy each day
Our greed is more important
Then the lives we leave behind
We can say that we do care
That in some way we assist
Yet we go on wearing our cheap sweaters
Hoarding food we do not need
We continue to skip donations
We continue to change the channel
Our rants on life continue
Yet we never truly see
That our lives are secure and free
Because of the sacrifice of others
So remember who made your clothing
The bleeding hands of slaves
Remember those who are starving
When you waste each meal you make
Remember who could need your spare change
When you toss it to the streets
Remember who lies dying
While you complain that life is unfair
Remember those who suffer
And most of all remember, our lives truly aren't that bad
At least we have our freedom, good food and a place to stay
At least we have our lives, lives that we choose to scorn
While millions suffer each day, wishing that just once someone cared
Wishing that just once, they could have what we have
Live the lives that we take for granted.
You make ten dollars an hour
Toss away your new clothes
Because it isn't in style
Throw out your meal
You didn't really want it
Say you life is hell
You can't go to that concert
How oblivious you are
To what suffering actually is
Hungry and dehydrated
With only a dollar a day
We work them to the bone
So we can wear cheaper clothes
Sick and dying of disease
As there is nothing to help them live
Suffering each day in vain
They slowly disappear
Their lives are meaningless
We ignore their deaths
We say we give too much
We say we need it more
As we sit in front of our flat screens
Eating more and more
Our contributions are meaningless
They never really help
All we do is give little
Expecting much more in return
It would be insane to give a thing
Without receiving anything for our 'efforts'
We sit comfortably at home
Wishing our houses were much bigger
Yet many have no shelter
No protection from the storms
We destroy their countries
For the sake of our own
We wish we could ignore them
We hate those sad commercials
The ones that remind us
That our lives could be so much worse
Each day someone dies
And a child is left alone
For reasons that could be prevented
For causes that should not exist
We live our lives in ignorance
And pretend that we don't see
The true horrors that exist around us
The lives we destroy each day
Our greed is more important
Then the lives we leave behind
We can say that we do care
That in some way we assist
Yet we go on wearing our cheap sweaters
Hoarding food we do not need
We continue to skip donations
We continue to change the channel
Our rants on life continue
Yet we never truly see
That our lives are secure and free
Because of the sacrifice of others
So remember who made your clothing
The bleeding hands of slaves
Remember those who are starving
When you waste each meal you make
Remember who could need your spare change
When you toss it to the streets
Remember who lies dying
While you complain that life is unfair
Remember those who suffer
And most of all remember, our lives truly aren't that bad
At least we have our freedom, good food and a place to stay
At least we have our lives, lives that we choose to scorn
While millions suffer each day, wishing that just once someone cared
Wishing that just once, they could have what we have
Live the lives that we take for granted.
What Would They Say
What would they say?
Our grandchildren?
When they wake each morning
and instead of the sun,
a murky cloud of smog;
filled with toxins, unbreathable.
What would they think?
Our great grandchildren?
The heat so intense,
yet not a drop to drink.
For hazard signs, bar off a diseased lake;
filled with garbage, undrinkable.
What would they do?
Our descendants?
As disease runs wild,
the cure left extinct, due to deforestation.
The rain forest gone, each tree now a stump;
filled with barren remnants, unlivable.
What would they see?
The future generations?
Animals long since extinct,
exterminated, by the dominion of man.
The beauty of the wild gone;
filled with concrete and plastic, unsustainable.
What would they feel?
The lives of tomorrow?
As they struggle for survival,
amongst the crumbling, ruins of the world;
destroyed by hatred, poisoned by greed;
dried up, broken, dead, unreal.
Yes what would they say?
Our Sons? Our Daughters?
If they were ever to learn,
that we had destroyed their world.
Our grandchildren?
When they wake each morning
and instead of the sun,
a murky cloud of smog;
filled with toxins, unbreathable.
What would they think?
Our great grandchildren?
The heat so intense,
yet not a drop to drink.
For hazard signs, bar off a diseased lake;
filled with garbage, undrinkable.
What would they do?
Our descendants?
As disease runs wild,
the cure left extinct, due to deforestation.
The rain forest gone, each tree now a stump;
filled with barren remnants, unlivable.
What would they see?
The future generations?
Animals long since extinct,
exterminated, by the dominion of man.
The beauty of the wild gone;
filled with concrete and plastic, unsustainable.
What would they feel?
The lives of tomorrow?
As they struggle for survival,
amongst the crumbling, ruins of the world;
destroyed by hatred, poisoned by greed;
dried up, broken, dead, unreal.
Yes what would they say?
Our Sons? Our Daughters?
If they were ever to learn,
that we had destroyed their world.
Youre Little Game - Inspiration for " Time" Poem
So the game starts,
you break my heart,
then you move on,
and my soul is gone,
my life is in vain,
but you want to cause more pain,
the finish line in sight,
I cry with all my might,
you win the game,
I feel that I'm to blame,
you laugh, I cry,
and then I die.
~~~~
Oh my...I wrote this when I was 15. I recently came across the old site I was a member of (www.zenhex.com) and found my old account. This was one of my better expressions of classic teen angst. I sort of feel old now considering this was written nearly six years ago ._. ...I hope you enjoy a glimpse of the angst that was the teenage me. I really find it amusing, I thought the world was over because one guy was a mild jerk, and high school was hard. Now here I am nearly 21, and though life has changed, it still has its trials, but after reading through all of my old poems (about how my broken heart would never mend, and traitorous friends would change me forever) I realize how small my world really was. Neither the guys I briefly dated in high school (so brief, they don't technically count (no more than a week), nor the friends who left me behind (though really, who needs friends like that, or as with most [not saying all] high school relationships, superficial 'relationships' of weeklong 'lovers'.
Maybe it is the fact that I have matured, and not every little thing is the end of the world. Maybe it is because I have experienced worst in the last two years that my worst dilemmas are almost rendered meaningless in comparison. Perhaps they made me stronger, and as such they no longer bind me within the 'depths of despair', as I had once dramatically phrased it. Whatever the reason, I am filled with nostalgia, and I have realized the changes I have underwent since then. Although, I cannot help but wonder, what I will think of my current poems 6 years from now when I am 27, and how I will reflect upon the undergraduate stage of my early twenties. An interesting thought really, on how quickly time does pass us by; and we make changes we hardly notice, yet affect us so profoundly.
you break my heart,
then you move on,
and my soul is gone,
my life is in vain,
but you want to cause more pain,
the finish line in sight,
I cry with all my might,
you win the game,
I feel that I'm to blame,
you laugh, I cry,
and then I die.
~~~~
Oh my...I wrote this when I was 15. I recently came across the old site I was a member of (www.zenhex.com) and found my old account. This was one of my better expressions of classic teen angst. I sort of feel old now considering this was written nearly six years ago ._. ...I hope you enjoy a glimpse of the angst that was the teenage me. I really find it amusing, I thought the world was over because one guy was a mild jerk, and high school was hard. Now here I am nearly 21, and though life has changed, it still has its trials, but after reading through all of my old poems (about how my broken heart would never mend, and traitorous friends would change me forever) I realize how small my world really was. Neither the guys I briefly dated in high school (so brief, they don't technically count (no more than a week), nor the friends who left me behind (though really, who needs friends like that, or as with most [not saying all] high school relationships, superficial 'relationships' of weeklong 'lovers'.
Maybe it is the fact that I have matured, and not every little thing is the end of the world. Maybe it is because I have experienced worst in the last two years that my worst dilemmas are almost rendered meaningless in comparison. Perhaps they made me stronger, and as such they no longer bind me within the 'depths of despair', as I had once dramatically phrased it. Whatever the reason, I am filled with nostalgia, and I have realized the changes I have underwent since then. Although, I cannot help but wonder, what I will think of my current poems 6 years from now when I am 27, and how I will reflect upon the undergraduate stage of my early twenties. An interesting thought really, on how quickly time does pass us by; and we make changes we hardly notice, yet affect us so profoundly.
Time
Time transcends barriers that we cannot see
It leaves us for a moment in untamed rules
The span of age's remains tied in the mind
We are only allowed a glimpse at what was
And we are forbidden to see what is to come
The present unravels before us
Yet we take it for granted as merely a glimpse
In an instant, years may pass
And too soon we find ourselves changed
No longer the picture of youth
Our memories tie us to an almost forgotten world
Changes so small, change us forever
Yet change itself is ever changing in time
We often rush ahead, eager to leave the past behind
And in doing so we lost the present, the moment, life
Or we live in a state of fear and worry over the future to come
That too will waste away at your soul
Time cannot be altered, the past cannot be changed
Time cannot be influenced, only in the now do we shape the future
In time we too, will be but memories to the world
Forever in salvation, we will become one with time
Enjoy life as you live it, do not regret the past, nor fear the future
Time waits for no one, and it will continue on its course
So let us live this day for what it is, a gift from above
And let us travel along with time
It leaves us for a moment in untamed rules
The span of age's remains tied in the mind
We are only allowed a glimpse at what was
And we are forbidden to see what is to come
The present unravels before us
Yet we take it for granted as merely a glimpse
In an instant, years may pass
And too soon we find ourselves changed
No longer the picture of youth
Our memories tie us to an almost forgotten world
Changes so small, change us forever
Yet change itself is ever changing in time
We often rush ahead, eager to leave the past behind
And in doing so we lost the present, the moment, life
Or we live in a state of fear and worry over the future to come
That too will waste away at your soul
Time cannot be altered, the past cannot be changed
Time cannot be influenced, only in the now do we shape the future
In time we too, will be but memories to the world
Forever in salvation, we will become one with time
Enjoy life as you live it, do not regret the past, nor fear the future
Time waits for no one, and it will continue on its course
So let us live this day for what it is, a gift from above
And let us travel along with time
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